This is a place where I put stories, scenes, book chapters etc. Many of my readers like to read. Sometimes they wish to give comment and give feedback. So here is a button for that!

 Marina

It was a smoky room. Some of the figures were sitting in darkness. She could make out the shadows as the door opened to the anteroom where she was sitting. Marina had been waiting outside for more than 2 hours. She was used to waiting. Life in the Soviet Union consisted of long periods of waiting followed by disappointment.

She remembered as a young girl waiting with her mother to buy a lemon or two. They had followed, with all the other women in the village a car as it drove through their small down and up a hill. As it drove the driver blew his car horn and his co-driver shouted, “Lemons, fresh lemons, cheap.”

They had trudged after the car up the hill after the car. She felt her socks and feet getting wet and cold as the snow melted through the soft shoes. They had not changed into outside boots as it was a small car and there were not many lemons.

The car stopped and they queued. They were about 40th in line. She wondered how many lemons there were in this small grey Lada car. Some of the ladies shuffling down the hill had finished their purchase and smiled on the way home with 2 lemons in their pockets. Lemons are helpful in the deep soviet winter when mixed with vodka to fight off colds. The successful ladies were smiling. The line moved slowly up the hill. When Marina and her mother were nearly at the head of the line, the car boot slammed closed and the men shouted, that’s all. No more today. Over 40 people were still in-line in front and behind them.

Shortly after that, the 16-year-old Marina moved to Minsk to live with her uncle. There were no more queues as he worked as a military officer in the soviet interior ministry. The officers there had a separate supply line to ensure they were not without sufficient and varied food.  

Marina was brought back to the moment as a lady officer in a grey outfit and a tight skirt just above her knees stood in front of her. “Follow me”, she barked. Marina stood up slowly as she was cold sitting in the bare room with one naked bulb and 3 hard-backed chairs. “Quickly”, the officer urged, “the men are waiting.”

She walked into the smoky room behind the officer, who pointed to a chair at a side table. She sat and looked around. She could see some faces as there were spotlights shining on writing pads placed in front of them. There seemed to be about 8 people in total. She could easily see 4 military-type men with brown manilla files. She recognised a picture of her mother clipped to the top left-hand side of one nearest to her.

Her heart skipped and she felt her hand clenched in her lap. Were they expecting her to denounce her own mother? Was this another one of the never-ending purges? She had been in Minsk for just over a year. She longed to see her mother again and the picture on the file jolted her into alertness.

“Don’t worry,” a voice in the darkness said. She turned to look and she could see the glow of the tip of his cigarette as he inhaled. His face was hard with slits for eyes. The smoke from his nostrils coiled over his face, “we do not want you to denounce your mother, at least not today.” The men around the table chuckled at the joke. Marina’s blood froze at the idea that it was under consideration.

Another voice spoke from deeper in the shadows. “Marina Nikolayeva Prusakova, Are you a good and faithful citizen of the Soviet Union?”

She could not see the face behind the voice, but it was chilling in its formality.

“Yes, Sir,” she replied, as she had replied to this question thousands of times at school and at public ceremonies here and at home in Molotovsk, “of course, the Soviet collective has given me everything, even now it is educating me to be a pharmacist.”

“That is a good and correct answer, Marina. We are looking for a mouse. A small mouse that is invisible and can move easily and quietly in offices and corridors of power. A super mouse that can find things, that can smell useful information and send it to us here in Minsk. A mouse that is not flamboyant or obvious. A mouse that will look friendly without forgetting that it is just a mouse. The Soviet Union has many enemies. Enemies in the most open of places. We need to protect her and all the good citizens. Will you help your country”?

PILLAR

Pillar took her round travel mirror from her bright blue giraffe covered washbag and unfolded the attachments on the back, arranged it on the sidebars of the upper bunk bed. Her friend, Poppy, opened her huge pink washbag and rooting around in it, extracted a larger convex mirror with a built-in light. “Oh!” she said as Poppy flicked on its light to highlight what she was doing, “That’s very fancy schmancy”.

Poppy laughed “you ain’t seen nothing yet. Wait until you come and visit me. When I am at home, I get my dad to buy me the best of the best!”

“I wouldn’t dare do this at home, me Da would flake me” Pillar continued as she applied a black pencil to her eyebrows.” “Why?” came a muffled reply as Poppy applied lipstick with a brush, carefully keeping it inside the line she had outlined on her lips.

“Cause he’s an ancient dinosaur that’s why. He thinks like the old fella that he is. I can hear him. ‘Men should be out shagging girls and playing rugby and getting drunk and getting into fights. Makeup is for pansies, why don’t you act like a man.’ Mum is better, but she tells me not to let him see me wearing my makeup. She’s only sort of partly supporting me, I want to be me”.

“But you have told them you are gay, haven’t you?” Poppy asks rooting in her washbag.

“No, I didn’t tell them that. Why would I? I’m not gay. I’m a woman trapped in the body of a biological man. I want to change my biological sex and find a man to look after me. I want a real crazy man with a huge personality to love and care for. Why did you think I was gay? Poppy, I thought you would understand! After all the conversations we have had and all the time we have spent together. Do you really believe that I’m gay?”

“I do understand Pillar, sorry, I didn’t mean to offend you. It’s too early in the morning.  Pass me that eyelash curler, will you? I can’t believe the state of my hair, my eyelashes are like steel wire and this old thing isn’t strong enough to curl them anymore. Imagine having hair and eyelashes stronger than metal! I can blunt a razor with one swipe down my legs.”

“Here, borrow mine, yours is just made of cheap plastic, that is why it can’t shape strong eyelashes. Strong hair is good, it’s a sign that you are healthy, that all this fresh air and good food every night is working. That’s what is making your hair strong. You should be glad. I hope when I start the hormone treatments that my hair will get softer, thicker, and more like yours.”

“Tell me Pillar, are you ok? I thought you weren’t too happy the other night. Do you remember when we were out in the countryside at the campfire by the river? You seemed stressed out and jumpy. When that sheep bleated, I thought you’d run back to bed and dive under the covers!”

“Oh, sweet mother of all that plays music, do you remember, there wasn’t a single sound, I was terrified, no street lights, a sky full of stars and just the sound of the rapids. That sudden sound freaked me out. Was it a sheep? I need noise. I need to hear constant background noise. You know like, sirens, car horns blowing, traffic lights beeping, alarms going off. Give me street sounds. Silence is empty, you know what’s empty is completely useless!”

Poppy looked at her friend with surprise. “I liked that, the silence, and so many stars! Did you see them, and different from the ones at home? I took pictures and sent them to my brother, he can’t wait to come here and see the Southern stars- he mentioned the Southern Cross. Do you know it?”

Pillar shrugged her shoulders and applied gloss over her base coat of lipstick. Poppy twisted the mirror around to the flat side as she started to brush out her long black hair. She was of Italian descent and was blessed with what could only be called a mane of strong, thick, and shiny hair.

“Nope, I’ve no time for stars, give me the lights in a club and the beat of a great DJ. That’s what I like, none of this outdoor stuff. Nope, I hate the stars, give me a nice set of flashing, dancing neon signs. Do you remember when we were in Seoul? I miss Seoul. Do you remember the huge signs there? Now that was something amazing. The huge ginormous screens constantly flashing and changing, with millions of colours, crazy shapes, and gorgeous, beautiful people. Do you remember?”

Poppy nodded and smiled while Pillar continued.

“Stars! -  don’t talk to me about stars, what do they do? They just stay there and twinkle. My teacher once told me that even if you can see them, they might already be dead. I mean what is the point of looking at something already dead? Give me life. Give me a man, hot and horny. “

“You’re gas, give me a man she says, hot and horny. No way honey, not if a horny man sees me first. These curves of mine will blow him away. You gotta have curves to pull a man Pillar. That’s sex appeal 101.” They both laughed.

Poppy continued, “But seriously Pillar, are you going to start taking hormones? Are you going to get a sex change operation? Don’t they cost a fortune and take years to do? A friend of mine had a cousin that got it done and she had boobs and a dick for ages while she saved up. Isn’t the cost of the hormones outrageous?”

Pillar was deep in thought. Poppy stopped brushing and turning the mirror to the flat side looked carefully at her hair “Gosh my hair’s a mess, I can’t wait to go home and get Enrico to fix it. He’s amazing, my hair just relaxes when he touches it.” Poppy notices that Pillar isn’t listening. “Hey, are we going out on the town tonight?

“Out, are we going out? Don’t be daft Poppy Woppy.  I’m going out, for sure, big time. I have a serious amount of partying to do. I want to hear lots of noise and meet lots of crazy people and stay up until I pass out or keel over. For sure I am going out. If you wanna come with me, great, but it is going to be a rocket night. I was reading about this place called the Cellar Club right near the hostel. Down in a cellar, natch, with a famous drag queen called Esmeralda in charge. Now he is a star worth looking at!  I am gonna dress up and party, party, party. If I get lucky, I will get to talk to Esmerelda. He is the bomb, my kind of man.”

“You’re a mad thing Pillar, are you ready yet? I want some breakfast, I am starving, let’s go, you’re a beauty with your black eyebrows!”

#

"Esmerelda, you look fabulous!" Pillar approached her hero carefully. She had waited for this moment and was determined not to mess it up.

"Thank you, my new friend. It's all about the makeup, hey, what’s your name?"

Pillar looked Esmerelda up and down with a puppy dog look. They were down in a basement club deep under the streets of Wellington. The music blared with a heavy thump, thump beat. Esmerelda holds a large phallus-like microphone in his hand.

Esmerelda is famous in the entertainment circuit for his long flowing dresses, uber high heels, heavy brown make-up, dark purple eye shadow, flamboyant long blonde or red wigs, and a full Tom Selleck style moustache.

"I can see that. Your eye shadow is amazing. My name is Pillar"

Pillar is extravagantly dressed up and looks very feminine but without any curves.

"Pillar”, Esmerelda looks her up and down, “charmed, absolutely charmed to meet you. Thanks for the compliment darling, they will get you everywhere. I love playing with makeup."

"Do you do drag shows often? Pillar cringed- what a stupid question to ask a drag queen.

"Yes, that’s my life Pillar, that’s how I live, it’s not difficult, and I love performing. Wellington is a great city for drag shows and you- my gorgeous young friend- have come to the best of the best."

"I can imagine loving it. It must be great to be so popular."

“I am the queen bee. I get to perform all over the city, I get paid a fortune darling, I have a huge fan club, and people come for miles to see me, and they love my shows."

"I bet they do. You look amazing in those high heels."

"Why, thank you, Pillar. You are so sweet. Are you flirting with me, sweetheart? I hope so! I love wearing these heels, they are my favourite. You look great too, that’s a lovely dress, so colourful, so feminine. All my fans are lovely, are you my fan too? I hope so. Stay here with me, I have to work now for a minute when this song ends, I’ll introduce you to this beast of a crowd, OK?”

Esmerelda turns to the crowd as the song fades out and raises the outsize microphone to his lips. “Hey! Hey! Hey! here we are in crazy Wellington, in this gorgeous Cellar, out on the rave for the night, I hope you are all Happy, Happy, Happy!” The crowd cheer wildly.

This is an Esmerelda speciality, getting the crowd going. He loves getting the crowd bouncing and dancing and he adores the way they hang on his every word.

“I know I am loving it and I am Happy, Happy! Happy!”, Esmerelda shouts and then drops his voice to a whisper as the lights turn onto Pillar., “I have a new friend here, all the way from good Old Blighty, good old England, and she’s called Pillar, Yep, that’s right, her name is Pillar. Let’s give her a huge New Zealand welcome, you crazy beasts!”

The crowd start to chant PILLAR, PILLAR over and over again, encouraged by Esmerelda who is waving his arms in the air encouraging the crowd to raise their voices.

Esmerelda turns back to Pillar and the lights shine on them both as Esmerelda puts his arm around her neck in a friendly bear hug.

“Welcome Pillar to the Cellar here in Wellington, the boot of New Zealand. Do you love this crowd? When did you get here?

Pillar is flushed with excitement to be the centre of attention. She smells the aftershave and the cigarette smoke off Esmereldas’ breath as it chases out from under his moustache.

“I love it here and the crowd are great. I got here last week; we are touring on a bus from North Island to South Island! We are crossing over tomorrow”

Pillar was surprised at how deep her voice sounded over the speakers of the club.

“You look like you crossed over a long time ago, my sweet Pillar darling, are you a crossover? Hey, people of Wellington, what do you think of Pillar? She’s gorgeous, isn’t she? I think she fancies me!”

The crowd start to chant, encouraged again by Esmerelda who keeps his arms around Pillars’ shoulder, “PILLAR, PILLAR”.

A heckler cried out, “Show us what you got Pillar”, Another voice shouts, “yes I want to see the English Pillar”.

Esmerelda laughs as he picks up on the vibe of the crowd, and says, “You are beasts, she is a new visitor to our country, and you are all being so bold. Let’s ask Pillar, shall we, do you have a huge solid Nelsons Pillar under that dress?”

The crowd roars its approval when Esmerelda emphasises Nelsons Pillar, and chants, “Nelson, Nelson, show us your Nelson”.

Pillar was laughing along with the crowd but now she feels the heavy weight of the arm of Esmerelda around her neck and her smile runs away. Before she realises it, Esmerelda has reached down, grabbed her dress and pulled it up to reveal all the work Pillar had done taping her hated biological, physical manhood to her leg.

“Oh, look out” screams Esmerelda as he looks up to his adoring crowd, “Nelson is damaged and under repair”.

The crowd screams with a hysterical, drug-crazy roar, while the DJ tunes in a loud throbbing beat and hits the strobe lights so they flash wildly.

The chant of “Free Nelsons Pillar, Free Nelsons Pillar” starts and is taken up by the crowd despite the loud music and commotion. Esmerelda dances around encouraging the chant and joining in, “Free Nelsons Pillar”. The noise reaches a crescendo.

Pillar breaks free and runs to the ladies toilet, crying. Poppy runs in after her.

“I just want to be me, what else can I do? Why is everyone always laughing at me? Why is it so hard for them to just let me be me? I hate them all.”

Snippet # 5 

“I think I am beginning to get used to less meat with my meals. Those vegetables were really tasty. Do you roast them or fry them?”

Sheila looked at her husband Colm, they were 35 years married now and sometimes she just despaired for him. He seemed to know nothing at all about cooking. Yet he had no problem making dinners for everyone when the kids were younger and at home. There was always enough, he baked, roasted, and boiled. There was never any issue. Then he asks me about vegetables, that were clearly roasted in the oven. He wonders if they were fried.

“Colm, they are roasted. I am really surprised you ask me that. Surely you can tell they were not fried. What would be the point of trying to eat lower calories and healthy if I was to fry the vegetables!”

“Well as you know, Sheila, I grew up with potatoes and carrots and a bit of meat as the main food.

“You grew up, well now you are growing out, plus we’ve been married now far longer than you lived with your parents. Have you learned at all after all these years? “

“ah yes, you are right. It is strange though to be eating roasted parsnips. They taste so sweet, I really liked them. I will eat them again. Is there any pudding?”

Colm looked hopefully and with a touch of mischief in his eyes towards Sheila. He knew there was no sweet or pudding. She was on another of her diets and he was going along with her. She had gained kilos over every pregnancy and then menopause struck her hard. He worried about her, there was an association between stroke and being overweight. But if he spoke about it then she might get offended. Well he knew that she would get offended.

“No Colm, there is no pudding. We are going to be in great shape in 2 months time. Then we might have a half teaspoon of pudding.”

Sheila started to clear the table and Colm was filling the dishwasher. “I wonder”, he said, “Should we start to hand wash? There are only two of us and it seems a waste to use the machine for so little.”

“No, fill it up, we can run it every two or three days. We have enough plates and cutlery to feed two football teams. If we wash every day, we will use the same plates every day. The other ones will feel unloved in the bottom of the pile”

 “oh right, so we are doing our plates a favour by rotating them into use?”

“yes and don’t laugh”

“You are funny”

“I know.” Sheila looked carefully at Colm. “Can I ask you something”

He stood still, “Maybe, it depends, on what it is!”

“don’t mess around, you can’t say that. It makes no sense”

“Well, it allows me to tell you later that you shouldn’t have told me that”, Colm felt that he had scored an important and funny point here. There was no telling what was coming next.

“I am going to tell you a story I overheard. I wonder what you think, from a man's point of view!

“Oh, Oh!, This sounds dangerous, Are you setting a trap for me to fall into?”

“No, I am bothered by the conversation I overheard and truly I wonder what you think”

“Sheila, this then is idle gossip, that you were eavesdropping on some people and now you are repeating it”.

“Well, I am not sure, we both know the people involved, so it is not really gossip then”.

“Ok, out with it, I will sit down, it sounds like it could be a long story”

“Yes, do sit down, it is”. Sheila gathered her thoughts as she tried to think about where best to start and how to get all the details in without spending the whole day. She knew Colm would lose interest after about 5 minutes.

“Well, it seems there was a huge fire down in O’Donovans on the quay here. You know the harvest is on and they are taking grain in from farmers. Well, it seems they have lots of huge pieces of equipment there. These burn oil to heat air to dry the grain for storage. I didn’t know any of this. Our friend Peter is the manager there.”

“Yes, we skied with him and his wife a few years ago.”

“Yes, we did. You and he did, I spent my time falling around and talking to his wife. Anyway, the equipment caught fire and there was smoke billowing out all over the town. Apparently, the main St. was like a huge smoke cloud that smelled of popcorn.”

“Nice”

“Many people called the emergency number on their phone. The fire team dispatched a couple of engines as there seemed to be so much smoke. The chief fire officer- you know him too- Robert.”

“Yes, married to Maria?”

“Exactly, well he was called in also to the fire. Apparently, he has to decide to replace the engines called out locally with others from the next town.”

“Yes, that is true. If they have a big fire that will take up their resources they are supposed to call in cover in case another fire breaks out. It was a code 6 in my time. That can escalate up to a code 10 when there is a state of emergency and everyone is called in.”

“Good, the story matches so far. But Peter, our friend, had a huge row with Robert about putting out the fire. He more or less told him he hadn’t any clue how to do it and to get off the property”

“Peter is a tough one all right, what happened”

“Well before that it seems that one of the firemen was up a ladder with an axe and was about to punch a hole in this huge piece of equipment so they could get water in to put the fire out. Peter was roaring at him and shaking the ladder to get him to stop. He was really angry and threatened to sue them all for millions.

He was shouting that the fire would be out any minute now. That they had cut off the air and that there was no danger if they would just let them do their job. Fires happen all the time Peter said and they just sort them out. They didn’t know what to do.

Robert and Peter had a blazing- funny aren’t I- row there. Robert was not at all happy as he had this suited amateur telling him how to do his job. Then Peter even told him that he didn’t know how to put out a fire as knocking a hole with an axe would let air in and make the fire re-start.

Robert was not at all happy about this, especially as about 25 firemen were standing around watching this performance. His authority was being seriously undermined. Plus he was really worried. Apparently, grain is highly explosive. Do you remember there was an explosion in a grain silo last year? That stuff can be like a bomb.”

“I see, so we have two men fighting in front of a bunch of other men. Both are trying to put out a fire. “

“yes, and then one of Peters's men drove up with this huge yellow machine with a bucket on it and started shouting at them to move their f..ing fire truck so he could get in to take away the smouldering grain. “

“That might not have helped cool down the heat, see I can be funny too! What happened”

“Well, they moved the truck, for the safety of his men according to Robert around the backyard. The guy with the big yellow grain shovel brought them around 2 tonnes of smouldering grain to damp down and put out. They were there for nearly two hours.

The plant was emptied, then Peter's men went in and gave it a clean and started up again. They were back in production in about 3 hours.

Robert has prepared a bill for tens of thousands of euros for attendance at the fire. He is also thinking oh how to charge Peter for obstruction of an officer in course of his duty. Peter wants to counter-sue the Fire department of the local council. for intimidation, lost production time, and trespass. He says they did not call in nor need the fire brigade. The bill should be sent to the people who made emergency calls.  What do you think of all that!”

“looks to me like the lawyers will have a field day and make a fortune!”

“But surely Peter should let Robert do his job? He can’t stop a fireman from putting out a fire, can he? Imagine if it did blow up!” The place is downtown. The main St is only a few meters away.

Colm sat back and thought about it. He had been a police sergeant for 25 years and had been in some tough scrapes. He had been a witness in Court more times than he cared to remember and most times it was lawyers and judges scoring points off each other.

“Well, Sheila it is interesting. The fire was put out, without the fireman. Production started again in three hours. So what happened? The town has a smell of popcorn for a couple of hours on a September afternoon. The two men, who are both hugely competent and respected, are now permanently antagonistic to each other.

But we can solve that. Men fight and disagree all the time and then can get on with it and work together again. I’ve had it lots of times. I didn’t agree with my inspector but we shouted or talked it out and got on with the next problem.”

“But you can’t tell the chief fire officer he is incompetent”, Sheila was incredulous at the line her husband was taking.

“No that is not good, you could say lacking in specific experience perhaps, but generally incompetence is not a good thing to charge a professional. I doubt in the heat- I did it again, I am so funny”, Colm paused to laugh at his own joke

“do you get it-  the HEAT of the moment, there was a fire!!

“Colm, stop making jokes and tell me what you think”

“I doubt that in the heat of the moment the niceties of language were of concern to anyone. I would bet a few non-biblical words were being thrown around too”

“I am glad you agree, Peter was way out of order there”

“Now don’t forget Sheila this is hearsay. You heard someone who was not there talking about this. It is third or fourth-hand and is just idle gossip. That is why I am listening to what happened. The fire was put out, the huge plant was not damaged by an axe or water, there was no explosion, the plant is working again and O’Donovans are doing what they have done for generations on that site in town.  I’d like to hear from Peter and Robert directly. It is always good to hear it from the horse’s mouth. But men fight, they are both responsible for many men, a lot of money, and taking risks. They are both good at what they do. They have a lot of stress and have to make decisions. Often these decisions are on the spot and have huge consequences. That is what they do. It is no joke.

They all want to get home to their families safely at night. No one wants to blow up the town. On balance it looks like Peter was more correct and that the best outcome was achieved for his company, for the town, and for the harvest, The only person who was going to threaten that was Robert and his axe-wielding fireman. I’ve been in a good few houses after a fire and after the firemen have been there. Between the smashed-up windows and doors and the water everywhere, they do a great deal of damage.”

“Well Colm, I am shocked you think Peter was in the right. Truly shocked. I actually heard it from Robert who was talking to Peter’s wife.”

“You didn’t tell me that. I hope Peter’s wife got cross with Robert and told him to cop on?”

“No, she agreed with him”, Sheila said curtly.

Colm was now speechless, “She agreed with Robert and took a side against her husband. That’s not loyal. She should know Peter better than anyone. He is a strong smart man. He is honest and works really hard. She really does not respect her own husband.  I’m gobsmacked. Would you do that?”.

“No, darling, I would defend you with my last breath, even if you were wrong”.